The Horror of Not Knowing



here is something eery about the amount of personal information a basic employee carries around within their minds. One might consider the customer negligent in offering such information so willingly to a person they just met. In fact I have been working at this little paint store for nearly six months basically an eternity for me having moved around a lot in my youth it was easy for me to not connect with the customers or my co-workers. This time it was wildly different at twenty three I was staying put for awhile. These people came in and begin to recognize me. They begin smiling at me inviting me into their business. Trying to convince me that they are my friend, only for me to give the discounts. I tried to ignored them, but they forced their way up the walls I had created and into my heart. They would ask questions about their houses colors, or they would tell me specific information about their property I know they are inviting me to look.

Now I must say that I never wanted to go to their homes. I never expected that they would try to draw me in so steadily. They would call to me while I was out in the community near my workplace. Until one day a short woman with bouncy curls and cute smile invited me nonchalantly to her home. She had given me her address to plug into our system and I did. Yet she hovered a little she smiled and joked about her husband being gone for work. Trying to convince me to follow her. She swayed her hips to the song my co-worker had just put on. She stared deeply into my eyes searching as if for my feelings. So I scratched down her address and stuck it in my pocket  for later. I followed her with my eyes, she glanced back several times. I knew she wanted me to follow. To bad that I have to get off at eight. I shall see her then. Why would she want me over there? Why is she so happy around me? I passed quickly through menial tasks I had been assigned. My co-workers making fun of my boss and other customersWhen I clocked off I jetted to my car just as fast as possible. Retired my work clothes and put on a nice black dress and some sandals. I messed with my hair until I felt I was presentable and plugged the directions into maps. It was ten minutes away. I could smoke two cigarettes in the time it took me to get there. So I did just that. The sun was setting and the neighborhood became dark. I saw her car, but I parked a little further away. I did not want her husband to see me coming, I know that this affair is wrong but she wants me so bad. I walk to the door. I do not knock I just enter in my black outfit.. I keep moving around the house. It seems empty or maybe it is because it is nearing nine and everyone is asleep. Perhaps they called it an early night, is she looking to surprise me upstairs?
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I neglect to move anything in the house and slowly climb the stairs expecting them to creak. They do not I sigh relief. I enter the first room to the left there’s a sleeping child. The child starts to stir and makes a noise. I quiet her down with the pillow her little head was laying on. We cannot wake Mother yet she needs her sleep. The child no longer stirs and I am thankful for that. I step out and enter the master room. There she is asleep, but their is a man next to her. A man sleeping in the bed where she called me to be! Why is she doing this to me. I asked her if she was married and she hinted no. She said her husband was at work.


Which meant out of town. I am angry, and beyond consolable. I look around the room for something to protect us with and I find a razor blade used for shearing off the paint in the master bath. I sharpened it to protect her and I from this man. Surely he was not suppose to be here. He stirs in his sleep almost cute. His stubble forming on his chin. I know that I cannot make to much noise so I place the razor blade close to his neck pressing deeply and cutting quickly. The blood oozes and he opens his sweet eyes and makes a wide look at me. He looks so beautiful in this shade of red. I smile at him and push back his hair to soothe him to his inevitable slumber.

I whisper “it will be okay.” I just need to protect the woman. He reaches for her. I then take the belt from around my waist and wrap his arms together and try to roll him from the bed. His shaking body hits the ground almost too loud. She stirs in bed. I get in next to her feeling the warmth of the blood from the man. I wrap my arms around her and soothe her. She knew it was me. She opens her eyes and they look at me with such beautiful surprise. The blue of her eyes becoming almost as soft as the sky. She says words but I cannot hear them, I just must hold her. She squirms away from me. I just hold her tighter and tighter. She begins to feel comfortable and eventually stops moving.