In this English language, we toss around the phrase “I love ___” insert meaning as you wish. We love tacos, Fridays, Sunday morning brunch, beer, friends, dogs, beaches, and wine. We also use that significant word for our family, friends, sisters, significant others, and God. We place those three little words at the top of our vocabulary and we will not say them when it truly counts. Love has reinvented its meaning as like, instead of what the dictionary defines as: “A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.” Are you one with your taco? Perhaps you could make an affable joke about how you are in love with a taco, but would your significant other have the same significance as that? Would your best friend? Would your parents or siblings? I would argue fervently that no they would not. Therefore I came up with five phrases that are more important that I love you in this day and age.
Now I am not a hater of the words I love you. I am a believer that love does astounding things and brings astounding motion into the world that we live in. We love the sound of hearing I love you and we feel it in our bones and we crave that affection. So before you read understand this: love is real but it is defined wrong.
1. “I support you”
A basic human desire is to be supported in the things that we cherish by the people we are closest too. I can recall several times where I craved support from my family or approval from my parents and did not achieve it. I did a fashion show in high school to raise money for children in India and children in SW Washington and Portland. Behind my back many of my close friends, teachers, and family members doubted me. They told me that I would not be able to pull it off. I wanted to hear that I had their support. I knew that in this moment the only support I had was from my sisters, from my friend Coby, and from some other sweet helpful people who did a million and one things to make this dream come true. It did not measure up to the people I truly wanted support from. Yet I realized that the significance in that was that those people who were there SUPPORTED and loved me. They built a runway for me and they fought for me. They spent their time with me that they did not have too. The encouraged me daily.
2. “I will sacrifice for you”
I know that this is a huge part of my life. I neglect to sacrifice my time for people. I neglect to understand how I should be acting in friendships. Yet I have had several friends sacrifice sweet time for me. When I was emotionally hurting they brought me to the surface to find hope. When I was beating myself up and decisions my sister sacrificed her time and energy and money to make sure that I was okay. I heard this rap song once and it went, “I was always in the middle so I gotta hold it down for my older and my little.” Sydney does this consistently. She sacrifices her fun for what is best for everyone around her and it is the craziest gift far better than hearing her say “I love you.”
3. “I am committed to you”
Commitment is something that I have feared. Commitment allows all the vulnerabilities you have to come bubbling to the surface and flow into another person. Someone outside of your family seeing you for as you truly are apart from what you are conditioned in feeling. Commitment is seeing the evil glare in someone’s eye and understanding they are hurting. Commitment is turning inward together when heading into a tough storm that you both are fighting. Commitment is saying “We can beat this thing” together. You come back together. There is no wishing there was a better time, there is no second because you were always number one. It is a faithful commitment outside of what is regarded as normal. I have seen this very rarely in my life. My sister Ellie has shown me what commitment is as she fervently pursues friendships that are beautiful and always commits herself to her goals. In relationships, commitment is a lot like “do not cheat” rather than “we are in this for whatever comes our way no matter how small.”
4. “I respect you”
Respect is defined as: “To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem” it is an active verb one that is in constant pursuance of love. Respect is understanding differences and coming to the conclusion that both are allowable if understood morally. Respect allows partners to understand the boundaries that are in place in one’s life in order to allow them to live the most natural version of themselves. Respect is something everyone says is earned, but in reality, it should be previously understood. We do not walk into a bar and yell at the barkeep when he is moving too slow. We do not allow our children to hit other children. Most should not tear down what others believe in order to build someone up. There is a consistency of allowable motivations for respect and each person should carry that as for the right of the human existence.
5. “I forgive you”
Forgiveness is such a hard thing for many people to grasp. We understand that it terminates hours of arguing, a past hurt, or perhaps a current hurt we are going through now. To understand the deep meaning of I forgive you, you have in my opinion to look at its definition. It means to excuse a fault or pardon an offense. I look in my life and I notice that the person who pardons offenses in most of my life are my parents, Jesus, and my sisters. I know that sometimes I am guilty enough to bring up the reason behind my anger is the fact I am jealous, already hurting, or committing an action in deliberation to hurt. Sometimes forgiveness extends into the deepest darkest places in your soul. I have been told sorry many times over. I have not believed that they were sorry because I lacked the ability to overlook their transgression. I realized that we are all capable of insurmountable evil. We as a human race have been riddled with the disposition of evil. Therefore we have to have some way of shaking off that. So we ask for a pardon. When this is given to us should we not be more thankful? I know that I have taken this for granted far too many times.
Now tell me what does love have to do with all of those things? Is it a thread that holds them all together? For me, those things are the essence of love being poured out when we say that we love someone. I would love that all encompassing love that you feel all frazzled by. Yet I have never had it. I think that once you accept that there are other ways of beautiful love rather than copying someone else’s existence you are going to fall into that type of love.
Categories: Dialectal Therapy, emotional health, Encouragement, gender, lifestyle, Love, mental, mental health, Personhood, positive thinking, relationships, rulesoflife, spirituality, therapuetic, Truth, Uncategorized, uplifting, womanhood