Let me tell you the greatest love story that I have ever known. When I was sixteen years old my life was uprooted and I was placed in a private Christian school. I never in my life imagined I would be there. I never in my life imagined I could hang out with Christians. They were so much “better” or “more put together than me.” I was thoroughly broken into a million pieces. I had no idea who I was. I had a boyfriend who repetively cheated on me. I had a love affair with the idea that I could be desirable and I knew the way to get that was to dress my body like someone who didn’t care. During this time in my life I hate my body. I hated who I was and I was a mess.
That’s when my friends and teachers stepped in. At this point I lied to everyone because I was afraid to let people in. To see the real me. Little did I know that vulnerability was exactly what Jesus wanted. He wanted me to admit that I wanted no longed to be fully known. Therefore I began to chip off old things by the grace of God. I begin to chip away at my insecurities. But still I was fragile and broken. I was a little less than formed bowl, there were cracks in me and I just flowed out of them.
Then I lost my boyfriend. I lost my way. I lost “everything!” Little did I know I was just beginning. I met Jesus at a stop light off Chaklov boulevard. I met him when I gave my life to him right there.
I wish I could say and then “everything was magical!” Nope that’s not true. I still fought a numbness within me. I still fought a shattered piece inside me. I felt as though I had no love within me. I felt distant from the people who raised me, but that wasn’t their fault. I just wanted to be told, “good job!” Or “I am proud of you.” That seeking of approval never came. So I sought it again in me. In my brokenness I sought lust and mind altering experiences. I thought I would snap out of it. I got to far in. I made decisions I’m not proud of. Told people I loved them when I didn’t. Told people I loved them when I meant it, but ran away instead. I told people who I was in love with that I wanted only them, but made choices that drove them from me. I thought people loved me, when they loved the idea of me. I thought touch was love, and the mind was everything else.
One day I met someone and they saw through me. They saw through my pain that cut literally so deep into me that I could not even breathe. They saw the evidence in my outward scars and my inward lies. They saw my pain when others thought it wasn’t real. They saw my pain and they did something about it.
I was broken. I was about to end my life. That person chose to step down into my darkness and flip on this switch and share my burdens. They chose to listen to my cries for help. They could have said, ” this is too much.” They didn’t. In fact they drove me to get help. They lovingly shoved me into therapy. They check in on me. They listen through my mania. They understand my pain and push me to do what’s best. They rejoice with me. They love on me. They push me to my very best.
They showed me what love truly was. They showed me what Jesus’ love truly meant. They showed me what it meant to be a broken sinner and to dig up all my garbage and give it to Jesus. She taught me how to give my life to the Lord. How to stand firmly on his word. To come back quickly and ask for forgiveness when I sinned. She reminded me of who I was. She reminded me that I don’t need no man. She reminded me that I am strong and powerful.
She reminds me daily. She saved my life when I wanted to end my life. She stood on that ledge and coaxed me back in.
Lindsey, I love you and I am so thankful you are my best friend and my sister. You mean the world to me.