Dear Friends and Family,
I have always doubted on discernment, or how to understand what God’s true calling on my life was. I thought if it was possible that God wanted me to do something he would push me into it. Comparable to this idea of me not moving, and him just controlling my every move. So I paused and I waited. I waited for God to tell me what to do, I prayed and I gave up. I lost sight of what my life was meant for.
I also got worried, I thought maybe God is not preparing me for this. My feet still are not moving in the right direction and my head is a little dizzy from all this overthinking. I turned away from this and I began college. Throughout college we would have these papers I would need to write about social justice issues. One I wrote was on sex-trafficking in India, the next I wrote about the treatment of women in modern day India. It was like India was a part of my life I could not get away from. I began feeling a little depressed, because I felt I was not helping.
God brought a friend into my life who had frequently been to India on mission trips, we met and became friends. He told me about his heart and his family. He and his wife were people I looked up too. They opened the doors of their home to travelers and their hearts to the Lord’s will. I wanted to live like that. I did not know how to selflessly give like that. Recently one night I had been up all night, the mornings light was already drifting through my window. I had been crying out to God all night for direction and purpose. Something told me to reach out to him again. My sister called me out of the blue because she woke up and she confirmed that I would need to talk to him about India. Before I even got off the phone he called me. We prayed and talked about India. Just one more thing confirming what I thought God had been saying.
Not even a day later I was telling my friends aunt and uncle about my love for India, and my wish to go there and serve. They asked me when this started and they prayed with me about it. They lovingly listened to me talk about my heart for India and my love for the people. I told them how I would love to volunteer/work/start/help at an orphanage. That kiddos were the way to my heart. How I wanted to just go there and love on people. By the end of the conversation and as the day faded into night, they gave me a check for $50. I began to tear up, because they supported me too. They just met me and they supported me too. So thank you so much for that.
Not even a week ago I was visiting a new friend of mine who had just had a baby. It seems like every time that I am graced by her presence her and her husband give me so much guidance and wisdom. Together we fellowship and share our hearts for what we envision for our futures. Again I talked to them about India, it seems like that is all that can flow out of my mouth sometimes. I think of Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” We talked about their love of people and the several ministries that they are active in. My friend being the doting Mother of two lovely little girls was active in the ministry of motherhood (she is a great mama).
We had been discussing India, and we had talked a lot about my heart. How long it has been on my heart, and the reasons why I wanted to go. I kept saying: I love them, I love their culture and food, I want to be a part of their culture use Jesus to change my heart their so that I can love on them to build them up as people of God, I want to go there and help girls, I would love to help change the minds of men who view women differently, did I mention I love them? As I got up to leave, they handed me an envelop and told me it was on their heart to give to me, so that I could go to India, they gave me $200. I literally just cried. I cried my eyes out on my way home.
I remember someone told me like God confirms things, and if that is not confirmation I do not know what is. I have my worries and doubts and I just as that you all would pray for me. Please pray for wisdom, guidance, perseverance, and discernment.
The following quotes are special and what I am to do:
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”- Proverbs 4:23“19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” – Matthew 28:19-20“And the gospel must first be preached to all nations.” – Mark 13:10“When I grow up and money have, I know what I will do, I’ll build a great big lovely place, For little girls like you.”- Amy Carmichael