Dear Friends and Family,
Today I got a card and it read, “You’re someone who creates happiness and lives with purpose…who doesn’t settle for boring and rarely misses and opportunity to do something special… who dances to the rhythm of each new day and keeps dreaming of the possibilities ahead…wishing you another year of doing what you love and making a difference in this world.” Thanks Uncle and Auntie I love that you feel that way about me.
Yet to be honest I have been a terrible conductor of love because I blur the lines between what love is, I genuinely care about people in my life and I do love them in the very core of my being. I will try to make relationships work even if it means putting myself in really hard situations. I have always had this fantasy that love is all encompassing and it is rare. I have always dreamed that love has categories like in the bible. You love your brothers and sisters with a special kind of love called “Phileo”-This we could call the love of the soul. It is easy love and affection, it is bent towards our natural tastes and preferences. It embodies culture and beliefs. There is the type of love “Agape”-More of a parental, mature, sacrificial kind of love.This is the type of love that God desires from us a amazing love. (This is what Peter and Jesus went through on the beach and Peter totally missed the point.) Then there is the love “Storge”-The love of a community and family. Often dutiful, sometimes unfeeling, but very strong none the less. This is the type of love that can be a hindrance to who you are in Christ and I have been struggling with this. I detach myself from all the people in my life and then wonder why I dug myself into a hole. My decisions are often quick and they do not make sense to anyone. My brain is not a neatly organized place, if I could describe my feelings I would. Yet I am my own person I have things that I want to accomplish in my life that are valuable. The type of love I am running from is that unfeeling, unfulfilled love I do not want that. I want an all encompassing love that breaks the stereotype something that is directly linked to Jesus Christ and built on that solid foundation for life.
So the card I received today made me realize if I am not honest to those people around me about the way I am feeling or the way I am acting I will hurt them. I will destroy and burn down bridges with people that will hinder from experiencing Jesus Christ in his fullness and then people will look at me and see the fact that I am a truly messed up person. I look to Jesus in those times and throw my hands up and say: I am so broken, I need Jesus more than anything in this world. He is my Savior, He is who I answer too when the day of my death and judgment comes. There is nobody on this planet that can take away his place in my life. So I ask for forgiveness if I have hurt you, and then I ask that we can share this love through our bond in Christ Jesus. Because that is the most important thing that I have to offer.
Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
So I pray for healing in my own heart that I can learn to conduct love as Jesus did, sacrificial and all encompassing. I pray that I would learn to be honest with my heart and with God and allow him to penetrate the areas of my life where I am hindering others or myself to grow in relationship with Christ. I ask that the Holy Spirit would direct my life and allow me walk in his ways not my own. I ask for forgiveness and for my heart to be softened in repentance.
Those are my feelings for today. Thank you Jesus Amen.